What an Introvert is NOT
In the process of trying to explain what an introvert is, it would be a good idea for us to go over what an introvert is not. My primary intention in writing this blog is to overcome misconceptions of introverts, because they frequently lead to hurtful (but often well-intentioned) statements born of ignorance.
As I outlined in my previous post, What is an Introvert?, the term introvert is a way of describing how a person functions. This can be extremely diverse, allowing for no uniform description. Nevertheless, many stereotypes persist, painting introverts in an unnecessarily negative light. Many people look upon introverts as anti-social, loners, awkward, depressed, damaged, deprived, selfish, weird, abnormal, and so on. While any one of these are certainly possible for an introvert, it isn’t necessarily the case that any of them will apply.
Unfortunately, the common definition of Introvert perpetuates many of these misconceptions. Google’s definition, for example:
Google’s outdated definition of Introvert, consistent with other dictionaries, but inconsistent with modern psychology’s use of the word.
“A shy, reticent, and typically self-centered person.”
Honestly, I find that definition quite offensive. It suggests a selfishness that would hardly be the case, and for me personally, I don’t fit either shy or reticent, yet I readily describe myself as introvert.
To be fair, many different places have a similar definition. In some cases, it is described as “inward focused,” which I believe to be a more accurate description. But in definitions pulled from many sources, selfishness and being self-centered play a common role. Much of this is likely due to the origin of the word (coined by Carl Jung, a psychologist), where introversion and selfishness were fairly synonymous. Nowadays, psychology doesn’t use it this way at all (at least, not that I could find), but still the older, antiquated definition persists. This is a poor definition, though, as introverts are as diverse as anyone. To point, two of the most selfless people I know are introverts, and some of the most selfish people I know are extroverts. This definition is clearly inaccurate and should be retired in favor of a more modern one, something that focuses on function rather than morality of ethics of a personality type.
Now there certainly can be a greater tendency toward certain negative traits as a result of being introverted. An introvert is more likely to be reticent (inclined to be uncommunicative or unwilling to express themselves) than an extrovert, but that is not a universal truth about all introverts, and extroverts can experience this as well. Likewise, introverts can be more prone to isolating themselves, to being anti-social, or socially awkward, or to not expressing themselves frequently enough. But a greater propensity towards such problems does not mean they must be present, and it does not mean people of a different disposition can not deal with the same issues.
Inversely, extroverts also have their own set of problems that they will be more prone to, but are no more universal than those of the introvert. Extroverts are more likely to interrupt someone while in conversation than an introvert, but introverts can do it as well, and many extroverts are quite deft at waiting for their chance to speak. While introverts might have a greater tendency to withdraw from the world and isolate themselves from others, extroverts can have a greater tendency to busy themselves in the world and isolate themselves from themselves by constantly being with others. Both have their unhealthy tendencies they are more inclined toward, but to run the point into the ground, they are hardly universal.
I am an introvert, but I don’t feel I am very shy anymore. I am certainly not anti-social. I am unafraid to share my ideas, or even be open about my thoughts and feelings. I don’t want to hide anything anymore. I readily put myself out in the open to be observed and scrutinized, and I am unafraid. I actively seek to help those that I love, including people I don’t know very well, with no thought to what I might receive in return. I don’t fit Google’s definition of introvert (not to pick on Google; that is a woefully standard definition), but functionally, I am anything but extroverted.
I think it’s high time we begin eradicating the negative connotations from the word introvert and begin seeing it for what it is: a way of identify the way a person functions, in order that we might better understand one another.
By the way, this isn’t just me. I know plenty of other people feel the same way as I do. For another introvert’s musings and self-reflection, check out Viel’s blog post on being an introvert, and check out the book she recommends, “The Introvert Advantage” by Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D. I haven’t read it yet, but I definitely plan on doing so.
Plight of the Introvert 