Why Introverts Are Misunderstood

As I learned what it means to be an introvert, I found myself wondering why introverts are misunderstood. Since introverts comprise roughly half the population, why is it that we feel marginalized? Why are extroverts often treated as “normal” while introverts can be treated as odd or somehow inferior? I have a few theories as to why this might be, and the sad truth of the matter is…

It’s natural. It’s natural, and it could very well always be this way. Hopefully there will be improvement – and I am already seeing improvement, what with books on the subject sold in mass markets such as Target, and TED talks being produced about introverts) – but I believe it is a conundrum that will always be an issue to some degree. This isn’t pessimism, it’s a realistic look at our nature.

Extroverts are louder. I do not mean that as an insult, but as a simple matter of fact. While the extrovert is more prone to speaking, the introvert is more inclined to listen, or at the least less inclined to talk as much. So as a whole, the extroverts say more, talk more, and thus are heard more, in a sense leaving the introverts in the dust. The internet has been changing this dynamic in a way nothing else could (for example, see this very blog), but away from technology, in a more direct setting, still the extroverts appear dominant. And why do the introverts get pushed aside? Because we do not interrupt as much, because we are less insistent, because we do not care to contribute to the incessant din that bombards us at every turn; we are more interested in listening than talking, . By our very nature, introverts are less seen and less heard, and thus become relegated to some sort of inferior state of being by sheer virtue of being drowned out.

Furthermore, we see successful people in the spotlight and idolize them, which inadvertently leads us to shunning that which isn’t like them. We worship extroverts, making them an ideal, thus making extroversion ideal. The celebrities, the athletes, the rock stars, the people who are always the center of attention and love it. We admire these people and raise them up as some sort of image of perfection, completely overlooking the positive traits others have that prevent them from the spotlight. Our society does not praise authors the way they do other celebrities (why aren’t Stephen and Tabitha King known as the power writing couple Stevitha?). America does not laud mathematical and computer programming skills the way they do guitar prowess and singing (imagine how different our society would be if we did!). As long as the extroverted are the ones who get the majority of the attention– and they love the attention the way the introverted often do not, so I fear this will always be the case– then I feel extroversion will always be elevated as superior, or at least somehow preferable.

Introverts and extroverts alike both desire and require social interaction. But on average, extroverts tend to lean toward more socializing more often, while introverts favor quality over quantity. Since humans are social beings, desiring less socialization (and at times, longing for no social interaction) can understandably be seen as contradictory, aberrant behavior. If practiced in a healthy manner, this is hardly aberrant, but it is understandable where that presumption might come from.

The average introvert does not like the spotlight, does not want attention. Being the center of attention can be overwhelming for an introvert. Even being noticed can often be more than we desire. This makes it difficult– unlikely, even – that we will ever fully overcome the great divide, but we can make great strives toward bridging that gap.

We don’t want to expend our energy on small talk, on interacting with people we will probably never talk to again; we want to act with purpose, and have conversations that will matter, affecting one or more of the people involved in some significant way. This can mean being selective about when we talk, and who we talk to, again leaving us unnoticed and a lesser known part of events. But an introvert who only says a few words in a large group might steer the conversation far more than a group of extroverts talking, or can get more personal more easily, and thus leave a greater impression on events than anyone might really know.

In the end, introverts are not seen as much as extroverts, putting extroverts in the spotlight and disproportionately tilting the scales in their favor. In truth, the scales are balanced, but introverts go unnoticed so often that this can be difficult to perceive.